Celebrity Apprentice: Episode Four

This is getting really frustrating. I was sure the women would win this week. They seemed to have everything going for them: Marilu Henner and her Broadway connections, four great shows to promote, and a snazzy booth festooned with hats, shirts and posters. David Hyde Pierce, the star of Curtains, even showed up to help out. But, as guest judge Vince McMahon pointed out, the women simply got out-barked by the men.

Hydra got off to a rocky start. Unlike the enthusiastic Henner, Vincent Pastore seemed hesitant to step up as project manager. As usual, Piers Morgan and Stephen Baldwin spent a good part of the planning session bickering like bratty kids. I have a feeling the Baldwin brothers were a pretty combative bunch. 

Henner immediately called a Broadway friend to find out which of the eight shows up for grabs were the hottest, but the men seemed to be flying blind. They didn't inspire much confidence during the "negotiation" session either. I couldn't really tell what was going on there. Pastore said the women could pick two plays, then reneged on the offer. The rest of the negotiation seemed to consist of Omarosa whispering in Henner's ear while Pastore and Lewis complained about them being too slow. Then Omarosa simply picked the shows she wanted and everyone ran out of the room. 

Besides Spamalot, I'm not even sure what plays they were promoting. While the ladies were rounding up swag to decorate their ticket booth, Morgan and Baldwin continued to squabble back in the war room, with Morgan referring to his on-again, off-again nemesis as a "shallow little man." I can't tell if these two love each other or hate each other. 

Either way, they certainly made up for their bad behavior once they hit the streets. I hate to admit it, but Morgan did a great job attracting customers even though he's not a real celebrity. He deserves credit for donning the ridiculous King Arthur costume and for calling Richard Branson for a donation. Baldwin, meanwhile, is a natural with a bullhorn. These two fools definitely make a good sales team. I also loved Pastore's speech about his Sopranos-style management philosophy. His "bada bing, bada boom" leadership style wasn't exactly nuanced, but it seemed to work. 

Even though Morgan can be annoying, I'd take him over Nelly Galan any day. She really grates on my nerves, with her high-pitched squealing, her scratchy voice and her insistence that she's a star. That said, she did redeem herself by raking in quite a bit of cash from her high-powered friends. She also made an interesting point when she said that women are more hesitant than men when it comes to asking people for money. It's a good thing she resisted that instinct this time around, or the women would have been in even deeper trouble.

The same can't be said for Carol Alt or Jennie Finch. I'm tired of hearing those two whine about being relegated to menial tasks. Finch should have put on her softball uniform and grabbed a bullhorn. I'm sure that would have drummed up some attention. As for Alt, she's more likely to be noticed on the street than faux celeb Omarosa, yet she agreed to be the "accountant." Lame. 

Still, I was convinced that Empresario had a leg up, so I was surprised when the final results were announced in the boardroom: The ladies lost by a slim margin of less than $1,300 bucks. If only Galan's friends hadn't gotten stuck in traffic, Empresario might have won at last. Instead, it was back to the boardroom. I felt bad for poor Henner, though I do agree with McMahon that she didn't make the most of David Hyde Pierce and the other celebrities during the task. As Baldwin aptly noted, generating sales volume of regular-priced tickets was just as important as reeling in big spenders.

Not surprisingly, the ladies didn't take the news well. Henner immediately blamed the loss on the fact that the men have more star power, and Omarosa made that catty remark about Morgan being dressed up like a clown. I loved how indignant Morgan was, insisting that King Arthur was not a clown. I guess Omarosa doesn't realize how much the Brits love their royals. Besides, Hydra's willingness to embarrass themselves and pull out all the stops is what makes them winners. From the beginning, Omarosa has insisted on playing down the celebrity angle. Obviously that strategy is not working.

Despite Henner's shortcomings as project manager, she's still one of the strongest women on the team. Galan was wrong to suggest that Henner should be fired, but she did get it right when she said that there are too many good "workers" on the women's team, and not enough leaders. Finch's argument that Empresario didn't have room for any more strong voices was weak. A good leader knows when to step up and when to let other people take charge. Finch has never taken the lead on anything. Alt isn't much better, but I think it's part of her strategy. I agreed with Omarosa's take that the former supermodel seems to be deliberately flying under the radar. 

In the end, Henner made the right choice by bringing Finch and Alt back to the boardroom for the final showdown. I'm not sure exactly how long that scene actually lasted, but I'm glad the Donald made Finch's firing short and painless. It's obvious that she's not suited for the cutthroat competition on the show. I thought the Donald was pretty sweet to say that he wanted Jenny to remain unsullied by corporate life. Perhaps having a baby has softened Trump, or maybe he's just nicer to celebrities.

In a way, I miss the meaner Trump. This episode wasn't as entertaining as others, perhaps due to Gene Simmons' absence. But there were a few great moments, including Pastore's touching defense of Morgan in the boardroom and his speech about his cancer charity, when Lennox Lewis declared that Henner was "going to need a drink" after the boardroom showdown, and when Alt told Omarosa, "I don't care what Eleanor Roosevelt said!" Blasphemer!

Hopefully the Donald takes mercy on the women soon and mixes up the teams a bit. I can't deal with a fifth pummeling. I keep waiting for the men to self-destruct, but they always seem to recover from their petty squabbles. However, it looks like things are going to get particularly ugly between Pastore and Morgan in the next episode. Also, the teaser promised some kind of huge "celebrity scandal." I wonder what that's all about? I guess we'll find out next week.